My situation.....

Haix......I have been out of job for nearly about 3 months since the last job that I have worked in August. And my saving gonna finish soon. My mum keep on asking me to work but now my grandma going to go for operation for her leg. So I have to stay at home to take care of her. But I now have some worry I don't know whether I can take care of her.......because it is a very tough job for being a caregiver. And I have try before for taking care of her for a period of time and that time she stay in bed can't walk.....but luckily she recovered. But its best for her to go for operation so next time her leg won't be so pain.

I hope that I won't be so stress when I take care of her because I scare that I will think a lot....then it will be no good for my health being. I just hope next year will be better for all my family members and me. =)

I'm Maaaaaa ruuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!! =(

Have been searching the net to look for typing course.....oh its very ma ruuuuuu.....do your know? It is like this....I look on the internet and found out that this place got provide typing course......but when I make a call to them........

1st person answer: Huh? What do you mean? Typing what?

Me: Then I say......teach people to type fast one? Typing course.

1st person: Oh ok....then you have to call to this no ................

When I called, 2nd person answer......

2nd person: Huh? typing what?.....oh a short course you mean? Then you have to call to this department.....no is.........

Me: ok..... thanks=(

Then I put down the phone and call the third person....

3rd person: Huh?....Typing what? (again) :/ (same reply and reaction)

Me: again....I reply the same answer again........teach people to type fast one? =(

3rd person: Oh..... are you a local? She said....

Me: Ya..... I am. haha

3 rd person: Ohoh.....ok....then she said........we don't have any typing course available. (laugh)

Me: Then I said....Is there any other places provide typing course?

3rd person: She say maybe you can check on the internet or download some typing software.

Me: (hahahaa....this one I also know)=(......but I say ok.....thanks for your help.

Ohhhhhhhh its tooooooooo maruuuuu.....Nowadays don't have such thing as typing course already.......and its already outdated! And to tell you all ya....its not that I don't know how to type.....its because I want to increase my speed.....haha....

okokok.....have to stop talking about this......I know you all laughing.....Haha........=D

Maybe F&B is a better choice for me?

I have told Mr Koh my decision that I would like to find a packer job instead of a service job. But he told me packer job do not have part time position only have full time and also said that it is quite a tough job.

So I ask him this question.....so what do you think I'm suitable of what kind of jobs? He paused a while and then tell me the same answer again that he had said before...it is F&B job, because it is much simple for me to handle the work stress. So now he is helping me look up for those like MC Donald and KFC Fast food position of part time service crew.

At first I was quite reluctant to do but then think of it the pay is quite good.....it is about $6 per hr....and the duties is not that heavy. But now I have something happen at home so have to ask him to delay it.

Hopefully when I complete my typing tutorial online.....I hope that next time I can get a data entry job.

Two jobs in mind, that I prefer it.

Recently I have been thinking seriously of what type of job am I suitable???....Finally I have an answer in mind it is either data entry or packing job because it is suitable for me as I do not like service line. But to choose between these two choices, I prefer data entry job because I do not want to waste out of my basic computer skills of what I have learnt in my school days....and I think that what I have learnt, should apply in life or else it is really a waste. But in the meantime, I think I will just tell Mr Koh my decision to help me look up for a part time packing job position while at the same time I can practice my typing skills and training my concentration power, for the job that I really wanted.

Hmmm....I would like to ask your all is there any places got teach people learn how to type fast enough.......some sort like a typing course......is there's something like this course providing outside? Just curious about it because nowadays people all know how to type......and got people telling me that don't have such course already.....it has been outdated. Is this true?

Written By author: Donna Fargo

The one thing I know I'll do when my feelings are hurt is not blame the person who hurt me, because I would not be hurt if I hadn't allow it. That person may not feel he's done anything wrong, for he was just being himself, but I need to do this for myself so I can move on. It is my responsibility not to own hurt.

And I find this advice is very useful for everyone when dealing with people making us very unhappy.

My Dream

I hope I can study counselling or psychology course.....because that is my interest. And I would just want to study it only and not do it. Now my goal is to learn to think positive everyday. I hope that 5 years later......my health being will be fine and able to study my dream course.

We are something new in this world!

A motivate words that really make me feel I'm a useful person.....and I like this topic whenever I read from any self-improvement books.... something like that, that says: you are something new in this world.....and nobody has ever been exactly the same like you....and that make each of us individual a special person. Whenever I remind of this sentences, I felt that ever though I have this mental disability I still think that I'm a useful person and something new in this world although I am only a common people. Hmm.....interesting saying that can say, common people also the same meaning as normal people...doesn't it make us equally the same as them.... mental illness people like us?.....We also lead a normal life. hahaha.....just an encouraging facts to share with your all. Hope this brightened your day!=)

That the least that I can wish for

Mental illness is a long term treatment...it is treatable but can't cure completely. Do we have any hope that one day we can be cure? I have been reading some articles on the internet....and they stated that they also don't know how mental illness come from? For me I think the only way is ask for prayer healing and continue to chant for miracles to happen. But if no miracle happen, I only hope that less strange behaviour and anxiety coming on me. That the least that I can wish for.

Exercise can do good to mental health

Just came across a lot of comments from the answerbag.com......and a lot of people say that exercise can do a lot of help by curing many kind of diseases and also to mental health too. So I intend to go for evening walk around my house area 3 times a week about 30 mins. Hope that this will do good to me in order to release my anxiety.

Get This Clear! You know who you are!!!

Just to tell you all, that person is not my friend anymore. And here to tell you the person.....you know who you are! Don't insult my character! It has nothing to do with "just because she is prettier than you" then I make friends with her. I just tell you......everyone is my friend....and not so called special friend, best friend, close friend, good friend only except to my ex-sec sch friend that I mean she is my special friend. Other than that, I treat everyone fair and equal. And the last word that you say: "What dirty words? I'm not even flirting with you. We can do this till Deepavali all the way to Christmas." Get this clear!!! You can say this to other girls but not me!!!!!

Decision

I have make a decision, next week I'm going to see my doctor. Will ask her for a letter to refer me to job club to find job.

Vipassana Meditation

My auntie gave me some buddhist booklet, ask me to chant and a meditation book. But the most interesting that I'm interested is meditation. It is known as Vipassana Meditation is an awareness meditation. It teaches us to be with the present moment, to live in the present moment. It teaches to be aware of everything that comes to you and is happening to you.

Questions below, its written on the book said:

1. What can Vipassana meditation do for me?

Ans: The ultimate purpose of Vipassana is to eradicate mental impurities from your mind altogether. Before that stage, there are benefits of tranquillity, peace of mind and the ability to accept things as they come. Vipassana helps you to see things as they truly are, not as they appear to be. Things appear to be permanent, desirable and substantial, but actually they are not. When you practice Vipassana meditation, you will see for yourself the arising and disappearing of mental and physical phenomena. And you will have a clearer comprehension of what is going on in you mind and body. You will be able to accept things as they come to you with less agitation and deal with situations in a more positive way.

2. Who needs Vipassana meditation?

Ans: Vipassana meditation is for the cure of diseases of the mind in the form of mental defilements like greed, hatred, delusion, etc. We all have these mental diseases almost all the time. In order to at least control them we need Vipassana meditation. So Vipassana is for all people.

3. When Vipassana is needed?

Ans: Since mental impurities are almost always with us, we need Vipassana meditation almost all of the time. There is no fixed time for the practice of Vipassana. And it may be practiced at any age.

4. Do I have to be a Buddhist to practice Vipassana?

Ans: There is nothing which can be called particularly Buddhist in Vipassana meditation. There is no element of religion. It is a scientific investigation and examination of yourself. You just observe closely everything that comes to you and is happening to you in your body and mind at the present moment.

I have one copy of this Vipassana Meditation book, but if you would like to know more. I can help you photocopy it.

1 page - 10 cents charge

Altogether its 33 pages. So its just $3.30 =)

What do I think about Backstabbing and Gossiping?

Backstabbing and gossiping- in Buddhism teaching is not allow. But I some sort of have some disagreement in it. Its not that I'm bad to say that, it because after all we are all human being. And sometime we also may say something bad about our family to our close friend. And I think this is just letting out of our feeling and not totally that we are a bad person. As long as we don't backstabbing and gossiping often. And I think its alright at times if we need to. To the most honest saying, in reality we simply can't avoid in backstabbing and gossiping . I know I shouldn't have talk in this way but I just letting out my words.

Phase of Sentence

I like this phase of sentence: "It's good to be simple and I like being an average person."

I take back my word.

I'm sorry...I think I have to take back my word that I have written on the blog about "Secret". And I did mention that not many people can keep secret and that is true.....but out of a sudden....I thought of one person....and she is my sec sch friend that I ever mention her in my blog.....and I'm very confident that she won't tell my secret away...even though now...we not friend anymore. To me, she make it this point that she can make me believe her even though not a friend anymore but still can trust her the secret I had told her, won't give away. She can be called a successful person in personal life. And I really mean it. At least I never trust the wrong person this time.

My feeling is right!

Been finding job for this past 2 weeks.....and I did went for one interview....it is a permanent full time data entry clerk position. And I do prepare my cert and wear formal wear before I go for the interview. Before I go, I do have this feeling that the interviewers must be a very nice person....and I was right with my feeling...the two interviewers are very nice and it is the first time that I do not feel so nervous for an interview. And when they ask me about my typing speed and do I need to look at the keyboard when typing...I just tell them that I was a bit slow and I do have to look at the keyboard when typing. But they do really want me to give me a chance, at first they say they would want me to try me out for a temp first.....then after that see how my performance then convert me to perm.......but after a long serious discussion during the interview.....they say they will come back to me and I think I was not accept the job. But I do not felt so disappointed as they do really want me to give me a chance to work for them. I felt happy instead.

I have learnt a lesson

Now I have learnt a lesson...even though a friend will say that they will keep secret and never tell to anyone also can't trust. As I have been though this before and I will not talk much to ppl that I think cannot befriend. Because I think not too many ppl can keep a secret. And I hate ppl give away my secret that I have told them. I don't know is it I now withdrawn with ppl but I felt that I can't trust anyone outside now except my family.

I did recovered, but not 100% completely well.

I felt that I have already recovered because I have been so long never hearing voices about people comment about me. Even though I can't be 100% completely well.....but it is a good news to me and I believe that the medicines have help me a lot in managing my stress. Actually for me, I am diagnosis of Schizophrenia but I do have some anxiety but for OCD my doctor said that it can be something to do with anxiety so making me wanted to check things...but not a illness. As she said that people will have this habit of checking things. Well anyway that doesn't matter me a lot....and I just have to continue my medication so that I will not have the chance to relapse. And a friend,...he had even tell me that we mental illness patient can't handle so much stress in life...and I think this is true as I am very easily stress...even though my stress level did improve but its onli a little. But I hope that my stress level can improve in average so that I can handle most of the daily things in life and also will be able to handle my future job. And I think things can still be improve.... I just have to continue trying hard on it. Hopefully I can do it!=)

What I have done?

Oh I have been 1 week never work already, since 31 of Aug is my last day of work! Don't know its a good thing or not?.... staying at home? This one week pass is not a really stress-free days because I have been thinking a lot of things....and i felt that staying at home quite stress than working. Because I tend to be quite negative in a lot of things. But lucky that i know how to release my stress, I went to the library to read some self improvement book......must be very curious why i always reading self-improvement book right??? Because its my hobby to find out more about people and life.... and I have been doing some self-research on "people have the differences and similarity characters".....this is a very interesting topics. And really I have learnt a lot of things from those self-improvement books that I had read can apply in my daily life.

And I have found out this facts....that human being have about 15000 thoughts per day and what we think and speak up make up about 77% that are negative. So the reminding 23% only positive??? Hmmm......well I think so ma....as for me I most of the time thinking negative...haha... but when I have negative thoughts I will switch to think of some positive good things.......and do whatever I can to make myself less stress...so as to able to think positively. As I have read from a book before that said just "FORCUS POSITIVITY" and YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

OK.....Hope that this theory benefit to you all! Enjoy! Have a nice day ahead!=)

Good stuff!

Hey everyone! I have found this website and currently practicing my typing skills on it. The web address is

www.typingweb.com

And its free....you just need to sign up from the website then you can begin the lessons. It is a very straight-forward and easy to follow lessons and you can even proceed to obtain a speed typing certificate from there but you may need to purchase it....and its really good for those who want to find a job as data entry clerk.

Highly recommended for everyone because you need not need to purchase a typing software to learn. And also have some free typing games too. Its fun! =D Enjoy it!

Sad to leave.....

Today went back to my company to collect my last pay. Felt quite sad to leave......because of some of my good colleagues and boss too. I can say that this is the best and longer periods of job that I have ever done outside. I can only say that maybe i'm not lucky enough. If the next job come that I apply outside....I won't declare my illness because next one won't be so lucky as this previous one, unless its job club introduce. Sad to say good bye to my colleagues and boss but glad to be able to work with them those period of time. All the best to me! Good luck to me! I HOPE THAT NEXT JOB...WILL HAVE VERY GOOD CO-WORKERS....AND LESS POLITIES.

Take a break and then start to look for another job

I have just resign my job......anyway now I'm start to look for job online and on newspapers to try my luck but actually I wouldn't want because I think its better to seek help from job club....but now come to think of it...maybe there's a better one if i can find from my own. But if can't find any on both then i will ask for a letter from my doctor when my next appointment come, then refer me to job club. Hope that god will lead a path for me and bless me for the next job to come. Right now in the meantime, I just take a break first...tidy my room and read some self-improvement book. =)

A good Sunday

Sorry for those that I ask you all to remove my blog link because of some reason. And thank for yr all understanding. =) Well I am quite fine now......and have a very good Sunday with my family because of Ghost month offering prayer and we need to pray to god at home. Have a nice lunch and long chat with my family, and we laughed and joked happily together......and seen that we quite care with one another even though our family ties is not that strong. And today really make me put all my trouble beside after a stressful and tiring week of work that I'm struggling.

Hope that tmr will be a fine day for me. God bless me=)

My important point to her

Today is sunday........happy....happy...happy!!!! At least I can take a one day break and don't see her face. But the problem of me and her always on my thoughts. Because right now even though I don't trust her again. But I still believe that she got really true to me in the past or else she won't recommend me this job. Now I just have to see that whether she will find fault and harm me next time or will continue to treat me well like last time. Because I got question her whether she got really one day harm me? And she keep saying that she never ever do this thing before.......but everything she say to me got some loopholes...and sometimes also no logic. Then my reply to her is: Ok and I told her that now i believe you this time....I hope you won't harm me. And my important point to her is just to warn her that. Hopefully she still can be like last time.

I won't trust her anymore

Now I start to realise this words...never judge the person by its cover. I think I must learn to not trust ppl easily.....because you never know what the person will do to you. And I must be very stupid to tell so much things to my mum friend. Sad to say this things out......she is really a good lier...a very calm and steady lier. And so I then decide to change the blog address....because she know too much things about me......and she still dare to say that she is just protecting me and want me to tell all the things that I handling because of my carelessness and not alert. As I said that I think I will not quit the job...because I want to know how will she treat me and want to test whether is she really treating me good. But I know that one day I will also quit the job but not now. So now I just need to see whether what next will she do. And I will only quit if I can't tolerate anymore.....right now I'm still feeling ok and I will just do my work properly and talk less to her. Hopefully I can do until 1 year.....still got 5 more months to go. Hope that I can do it so next time I apply for another job is much easier.

I think I won't resign my job

Sorry change my blog address...because I know the person is visiting my blog. And I got actually talk to her about the matter of the summary report even though she was very persuasive that she said that she really did not took it......but i still don't trust her....because she has lie to me a lot of things. And what i want to tell you all that i think i will continue my job because it was her to ask me to don't quit....i don't know why....but i think its because she afraid my boss will ask me why i quit. Anyway now I felt that she won't find fault to me now.....but I will still be very careful of her.

This will do us both good

I think I have already know the answer of this problem. And my decision is to resign the job. Because I really felt very insecure of this colleague and I no longer trust her anymore. And because she is my friend so I think no point continue working with her because if i don't leave she will also find fault with me. And no point carry on this job even though the boss really treat me very well.

Because I know that if I leave the company, this will do us both good. And I have thought this problem for a long time before making this difficult decision. If it is others and not her.....I think I won't leave this job. So don't know this is a better decision but I think this is the best way.

Hope that things can be solve

MC for two days.....due to stomach pain and some fever and body aching. Well I think maybe due to the weather changing, or maybe I eat something wrong. haha....But i think i must have stress up of all the problems coming. Sick also good can have a good break. Hmm.....I'm going to read some self-improvement book again to motivate myself or else keep on thinking of negative things also not good. Maybe got some tips from the book will help me solve my problem.........I hope god will give me some clue. Or else things will remain a secret.

And right now I shall not think of anything just having a good rest and everything shall wait for tomorrow to happen because worry also cannot help. =)

I'm in difficult situation!!!!!!!!!!!

I felt like taking a long break.......really felt tired sometimes. I think the most problems we have in job is with colleague. Now I know why people want to early retire. Really felt like giving up. But give up now....how am i going to find another similar job. And now I still don't know which way to go......I'm in difficult situation....and really I never came a cross this type of office polities....This is my first time have this type of problem. And I'm thinking about this problem a very long time. And I have talk to my sister and my occupation therapist about it.....the only good thing is I felt much better....but the problem can't be solve.....How am I going to FIND THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM....and right now I still can't jump to conclusion......because this will only make things worse between me and my colleague. And now I think the best way to do is seek help from religious leader and at the same time pray hard to god that all these problems can be solve. Or else I won't be able to work in peace...if things get worse...I think that I'm not lucky enough to have this job. Right now live it to fate.

Disappointment with someone

I felt really disappointment with someone, and I really don't believe she is that kind of person. How can someone who is very good and nice to you and turn up to be another person.

This is what my aunt say that when working outside....won't have any real friend....and just can be colleague and can't fully trust each other. At first I don't believe what my aunt said.....but now I somehow believe it this word. Because something shocking make me don't trust her......but I won't say out here....sorry.=(

I hope this person is not what I think now.......right now I can't find of any solution to solve this problem....but one day I may talk to her about it and find out the problem. Hope that god will give me some clue and solve this problem........pray hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A journey

Recently...been thinking a lot of problems, and i have this thought in mind that everyone given a different amount of troubles by god to handle our problem in life...and i believe that god will give a set of tasks for us to finish it. And the set of tasks will have many difficulties come along the way. To finish it until the end...does not mean that it is a good ending cos we may not be the winner of the race. But to finish it that means you are already a winner...cos you have did your best. So i think doesn't matter whether life is a success....and i content that if i really perservere till the end of my life...i will be very contented already.

Any question...any infromation..or answer you wanna know... can get from this website.

http://www.answerbag.com/

Have found this website...they provide all the answers are very good!!!...And I get the "true love" answer from here...really very good advices and informations.

Feel free to write a question that you wanna know. Hope you all enjoy it.

Found the answer of what is true love from a website comment......

1st person comment (Best Answer) : Of course it is. It exists in realms of the love one has for an animal or pet, the love of a parent for a child, love for a friend or family member, love for oneself and of course, for another when romantically involved.

2nd person comment (Satisfactory Answer that i nether agree or disagree) : Absolutely: there isn't any other kind. There's no such thing as "false love", it's either love, or it's something being called love that isn't.

*I will share this two answers to everyone that this two people wrote a comment from the website is great!

Hey guys!...how are you?=)

Hey everyone! How are you? Have not seen you all for quite some time!.....Just wanna ask do yr want to have a gathering together? Before that I have ask zhide about it and he suggested that we could go ktv to sing and eat there? If some of you not comfortable in singing...as for me also..haha...we can go watch a movie or window shopping and after that have dinner then go home. How about it? Or you all have any suggestion of going somewhere else...haha...=D feel free to write a comment to feedback to me. (^.^) Thanks!

So how are you Noel? =) By the way, just want to thank to you and Mdm Woo encourage me to stay on for my current job that last time I almost give up . And thanks for the comment that you have wrote to me.....welll...you say that before that goal is veri important in life. And I'm really agree with you now....and also thank for giving me those last advice, last time before I left IMH Library. Thank you very much!=)

Hope to see you all again! Take care!:D

You can choose to believe or not

For one thing that I always believe that it can help me a lot in many ways...that is god. But somehow I tend to trust Taoism even though I'm a buddhist but I think I won't change to Taoism but I will trust it because maybe have to do with "you yuan" this word...as for some ppl said that if the god is fated to help you...you will believe it very much. That what I always believe....And I'm not trying to say that you have to believe in Taoism. As for there is a number of religions for us to choose to believe in it...and I believe that there are many god in this world....definitely there is one god that you can really ask for help. So you may like to choose a religion that you can go for help. But you have to really believe in it and not other reasons. As for me I have the habit of every day pray for god after I left my house...because...have to say that outside world is different from your own home....you need god blessing or else things will not go quite smooth...even if things really go worst...you will really feel that something help you to solve the problem. This is wat my instinct told me to believe in god. But its up to you to decide whether want to choose a religion. God bless to all of you=)

I'm getting a lot of mistake in my work!

Really had done a lot of mistakes in my work.....and i recently handling an important assignment that my boss asked me to do those editions in powerpoint and excel that he and our client need it urgently and i think it is something to do with business proposal...but i'm not sure whether is it and nowadays i stay late for work cos of it. Felt very disappointed with my own performance...really did not do very well in powerpoint because of last min delay that cannot handle it on time....but luckily the excel one i do quite well. Well this is my very first important assignment that my boss give me....i really feel bad...but he did not angry with me..still say nevermind and smile at me...just told me that faster complete it. I really appreciate of his tolerance to me. Really have to say....if i work for other company sure get scolded very seriously....and i will sure get fired. But this boss is really very good, he is very patient to me...and guide me every detail of the proceedure that the assignment he ask me to handle on it. And really feel a bit stress....cos this assignment is really veri important.

And second thing is, I felt that my concentation and memory is very poor....and not veri alert most of the times.....don't know why....i think my brain got problem...is it cos of the medicine that i'm taking now...my colleague also say so.....but really have no idea whether want to trust the medicine or not...cos if don't take medicine then more worse!!! I really don't know wat to do....can anyone advise and give me some suggestions if you can? Because i want my concentation and memory power to do my work well. And i don't know whether my boss will give me another important assignment to do next time...cos i really want to prove that i can do well in my job. Hopefully he able to have some confident in me....I really hope so.=(

My Goal

First thing, I wanna take up a course...and this is wat i say many times.....but i think i should start the most basic one that is to take a english course at ntuc learning hub...and at the first place i did apply the intermediate level before, found up that the lectural teaching technique is veri good. So i think maybe can contine my english course at there. Going to buck up my english...got too many grammer and spelling mistake in writting and also my pronounciation too. As now english is still a global language...and i also have to say my chinese become more worse already...cos seldom read and write in chinese...so many words don't know how to read...but for communication...i think its ok onli...haha....so i need to really bush up both languages.

Second things, I want to work more hours if i can...but for the time being i think not to. Because my concenstation power is still not good. But for these few days i stay quite late for work...realise that not so weary after too much work has been done.....can say that my concentation did improve a bit. Hope that one day I can convert full time and I have to really make a committment to my boss.

Lastly is, hope that I can save enough money to go to tour at the nearby country. Thinking of going thailand, tawai or hong kong....these three places....but really reallly have to save quite a long time then can go. haha....but never mind la....if cannot then i go malaysian....and I also miss staying in hotel......cos it make me feel rich in staying so high class room. haha...crazy me.....lol!...

Do I really have to stop taking medicine?

Do I really have to stop taking medicine? My answer is .......No!!!! Definitely No. Because I have to not say that the medicine did benefit me. Why I say so?....Because last time, I stop taking my medicine for weeks so i relapse. And I believe the medicine really got cure me cos it really make me see though life and i have learn a lot due to those bad experience that i have until now i then start to realise it. But one thing I find out that mental illness is a very special illness cos we able to think and see though those things that is unbelieveable. For others may see that we are crazy but i think this illness that cause us is maybe got something to do with inner thoughts. Inner thoughts is unexplainable but I think its our own thinking that cause us to be like that and I have to say that our brain is indeel veri amazing! haha...For me i ever say that i wish that i will not have to take medicine one day...and this question I have thought a lot and finally i came up of the answer one day......maybe this is god tell me....even though i have to take medicine for, until the end of my life......i will accept it cos if god really want you to have medicine to function your life...then let's just take it as at the same time god will contine to bless us of all the trouble that we have now. And got one phrase that we call lose and win....I think this word veri suitable to replace in life that when something bad happen and you gain some blessing...and that's wat I believe now. Hope you all agree too.=)

My changes in life

Felt that I have start to grown up...not so that inmature like last time. But when start to grown up....problems are pilling up. More and more thoughts came to my mind. First is happiness, second is job, third, family and friends......and when I grown up, I start to think of money...and I become really like to buy things, especially shoes. Really have quite a lot of shoes since I start to work outside. And mostly I will spend on foods....and really become a fat pig already if you see me. Haha....And my target is save at least 50 dollars to my bank for the need of emergency use. And start to see a new me....got decision making...got ideas and goals....and most importantly know wat to talk and don't talk as in my past I'm not always careful to my words when talking to ppl. That's my insensitive side. Well changes is good but the old self is not like last time as my family prefer my old self. Haha...maybe I too guillible and naive ma....like a little child. But now, I quite like the new me. Haha....But don't know whether got change maybe my inner thoughts and self ma. Next time if you all see me...tell me more ma...would very like to hear it. But ho...we sledom meet up leh...haha...but nevermind we can have a group gathering ma. Right?=)

My greatest gift

If everyday I would be happy...wouldn't its could be my greatest gift that god give me? But its a impossible wish....don't know why i seem to think a lot of psychology things. Getting very curious of human things...maybe cos I have read too many self-improvement books. haha...Getting crazy of it! But i felt that, that my interest in it....and I tell u all ya...don't laugh at me...I ever think of being a psychologist before since i have this illness. Think I crazy already...that's a impossible dream!!!haha...but nevermind sometime dream dream...also make me feel better la...:d As in reality...we mostly can't do all the things we want......but now I felt very happy already even though i can't do what I want...its already a blessing to me to have a job that I currently have now. And that is god give me a greatest gift already...I have to count myself lucky enough because not too many ppl willing to accept mental illness ppl. And because of this job I have now, start to lead a meaningful life and I become more positive than last time. I have to really really appreciate of what I have now. As I know that nothing can last long....but i still wish that my life will be quite smooth...and that is my wish that I can ask for god. Hopefully all things goes well for me.

Appreciate and treasure all your friends around you

True friend is hard to find nowadays...And for my situation, I ever think of that...
ever without friend i also can live on...anyway I use to it already. But I was wrong,
without friend, your life is quite meaningless and no brightness...the feeling when I'm
with my family and my friends is different. And I now know that everyone needs a friend,
ever if a person who is very anti-social and doesn't like to socialise. No one can be lonely
all the times. And everyone needs a friend to share their joys and achievements. So friend
is indeed very important to me now. I have to treasure whoever friend who comes to me now.

In the past I really don't know how to be a good friend and I quite regret of my action that I have done to a friend that I got mention her in my blog, and now we totally never contact. So
it like when you lost a friend, its like lose some of your happiness in life. This is what I truly
regret.

Hope you all will appreciate and treasure all your friends around you! Don't make the same mistake as me. haha...

My Life

Suddenly, i felt that my life is very boring....eat, work and sleep. Doesn't have any social life.....but in my past time i read self improvement book to make myself feel positive everyday. Don't know whether it really work...but it seems quite helpful to me cos i able to think positive everthough when i feel moody and sad. And everyday i will remind myself to stay positive and happy but its really very very hard....and sometime i will also give up but I will try to put in 50% of positive thoughts and 50% of negative thoughts and that is my target to my important life goal. Haha...seem quite simple but very difficult to achieve. But i will still try to do it. Hope that i'm able to.

There is a friend who has taught me a lot of things

There is one friend among of all my friends that has taught me a lot of things, until now i still remember her everthought we no more contact. There is one thing she taught me to be a good listener and whenever i have problem in the past, she will sat there quietly listen to every word of mine. And i admit that i never ever appreciate of what this simple act that she has done for me. Until now, i then know being a good friend not only give you advice and she also must be a good listener. Secondly, she taught me of being quiet is not a bad thing....cos you will hear more and learn more. That is what her quote that meant to me is "Silence is golden". Lastly, she taught me that sometime, you have to complain and not bear with it. Those advice that she gave me was valuable and priceless, I never even know that her action, acts and advice benefit me whenever i go. She is really a special friend to me and also a friend that is not mind of my illness and has been with me in those troubles and problem that I have in the past. And I will always remember this secondary school friend that ever been with me. If one day able to meet her in coincidence along the street, I will tell her that she is a great friend to me.

What is true love?

Finally I have come up for the answer of: "What is true love?". Before that, i have asked many ppl about this question and had thought for a long time. The answer is you must believe hundred percent, there is really have this word that: "true love do really exist in this world". If you only believe fifty percent of it, you won't give hundred percent of your feeling to your partner so, it isn't call true love. And i believe most of us only believe fifty percent of it. So both couple must believe and give in hundred percent of the feeling so it is really call true love. haha..its only my small analystic. Up to you to believe it. =p

Count the numbers of blessing in life

In life, not only bad things that come to us most of the time and we do have many good things that come too. Its just that we don't ever know. The number of things that i have in life are lots already and it is continuous till the end my life. Now i want to list out the important points that meant the most to me.

I have a good father who will bought supper back home and ask me whether i want to eat, a good mother who will go out with me often and treat me tea, a good sec younger sister who will always share her thoughts and secrets with me, a good youngest sister who will always pick frights with me but she does really show her lovely and concern side, a good aunt who will always give me good advices and concern, a good nagging grandma who will always nag at me, everthough her words may be harsh but she always care for me and recently i have hurt my leg...she still ask me whether i want her to rub my leg... Wow so sweet! "po po i love you"!. And a good cuttie grandpa who will always ask me got something to eat a not?..haha :D and on his birthday i bought him a box of tonic...he was so happy and smile at me happily.

haha...what a noisy, caring and funny family i have? I do love them very much. Love all of you! my family!!!!

New year song on daily life.

Do you know that not only on New Year Day you can listen to chinese new year songs? Daily life also can! And I’m the person who do that. Believe it or not? But it is true. Because it give me a pleasant and blessing feeling after listening it when I’m feeling stress. Although we usually listen to classical music when we feel stress, you may like to try something different this time round. And I'm sure it will give you a happy and special feeling same as me. Haha..Try it! Why not?=D

What if one day, I'm old?

What if one day, I’m old and don’t have an accompany? What should I do? Haha got it!…it is to consider owning a dog. And it has been proved that owning a dog, you will feel happy and can live longer.

Well…and I also sometimes got tired of making friends, and I think maybe a dog can be your great friend and a great accompany.

The advantages of having a dog as a friend than a person as a friend:

1.After a year, a it will still pleased to see you.
2.It won’t criticizes and argure with you.
3.It will still remain loyal and won’t betray you.
4.It never gives away your secret.
5.And most importantly, it will still love you as who you are.

But with a person as a friend do not have those qualities
above. And that is what I read from a book.

Suddenly, I have this thinking, if one day I die in my house without anyone with me,
except my dog. It will still can bark for help for someone to collect my body. Right?

What a great thing to have a dog? Don’t you think so? =) haha...

Miracle that can happen to everyone

Someone told me miracle do really happen in everyone lives. It can be smaller or bigger things. And I really believe it. Because I have one experience that small miracle happen in IMH library when I did my vocational training. It is like this: got one staff name Miss A and another staff name Miss B. Miss A has reserved a book and this book got somebody returned already but I let this Miss B borrow it. And dun know what matter has happen in the library one day that say somebody has made a really big mistake. Feeling something not right, I then go check whether I got make any mistake and found out that I let Miss B borrow the book and haven’t inform Miss A that the book has return and she actually reserve it. I was so worry and keep wondering is it the big mistake that somebody made is it me? And in my mind I hope that god will help me, suddenly this Miss B appeared, she was approaching towards the library. I nearly could not believe my eyes but it is true. I then told her everything about it and she was very understanding and promised turn the book as soon as possible. And she really did. But the matter that somebody made a big mistake turn up to be somebody else. I was so relieved and everything was fine. So you could really believe this word: ‘miracle do really happen in everyone lives’. And it can be something that you really wish for.

说说就好

说了又不听
听了又不懂
不懂又不问
问了又不做
做了又做错
错了又不认
认了又不改
改了又不服
不服又不说

My thoughts

Yesterday i just having this kind of thoughts will i be able to stay in my current job for many years in my life? Will i be able to work until i'm old? Suddenly this problem become a worry for me. because i afraid i won't be able to find this kind of working environment already...no politices...boss never give me stress and they very understanding...my colleagues all treat me good and help me a lot. And i keep thinking...if i never work for this company anymore, will i be able to find another second job in the future with such nice boss and colleagues who know my illness and never despise me. ? Do i need to go back to imh job club to seek for help in finding another job? Do i be able to work independently and handle co-workers in another job? All these questions keeping repeating in my mind. And i try to be positive...keep telling myself that just don't think all this unnecessary things that haven't yet happen. If happen...just pray for god and help me to find another job. Maybe this is a empty worries...as we won't know wat in the future will happen. So after thinking this i felt much better. Hopefully all the things go smoothly for me. I really hope so.

My important life goal

My important life goal is learn to be a happy and positive person and i know no one can really be happy and positive all the time but i will try to do it most of the time. Although this is a simple a sentence but i took a long time to realise it. To be happy and positive are more important than anything else because it is the only way for us to move on in life and so that you can achieve many other things. But most of us are unable to do it and i know this take a long time to learn it. But we can practice these words in mind, it is to learn how to attitude changes, accept yourself and ppl around youand appreciate those ppl around you. And i want to introduce this wonderful and inspiring book. "The big book of small stuff-100 of the best inspirations from Don't sweat the small stuff". By Richard Carlson. This book include all the small things that we blow up in life and it teach us how to look things in a positive ways . You can find this book in a community library . And i have learn a lot in it and hope this book will benefit you.=)

My new job

Have been working for two months soon for this admin job since this year feb. My boss and my colleagues are good. But seriously i dun have so much words to talk to them. Maybe is our age gap. They always treat me something to eat especially in our afternoon tea break. I felt that i'm a little child to them. haha....haven't grow up kid. Hmmm ...i think i have to continue to this job no more thinking of anything negative as this job is veri hard to find, i must treasure and learn to adapt it.